Ways you can deny your true self and weaken your emotional boundaries

    1. Pretending to agree when you disagree.
    1. Concealing your true feelings.
    1. Going along with an activity that you really don’t want to do and never stating your preference.
    1. Declining to join an activity you really want to do.
    1. Pushing yourself beyond your limits.
    1. Working too hard or too long.
    1. Doing too much for others.
    1. Not resting when tired.
    1. Ignoring your needs.
    1. Not eating regular and healthy meals.
    1. Insufficient sleep.
    1. Too little or too much time alone.
    1. Too much or too little exercise.
    1. Insufficient contact with people who truly care about you.
    1. Insufficient to too many leisure activities.
    1. Using chemicals to avoid yourself: these include drugs and/or alcohol.
    1. Using compulsions to avoid yourself: these include eating, starving, exercise, work, shopping, spending, TV, sex, games, sports, etc. that are done compulsively or to excess.

Joy Miller’s 10 ‘Demandments’ – 10 rules to live by to insure unhappiness in a relationship:

    1. Thou shall make me happy.
    1. Thou shall no have any interests other than me.
    1. Thou shall know what I want and what I feel without me having to tell you.
    1. Thou shall return each one of my sacrifices with an equal or greater sacrifice.
    1. Thou shall shield me from anxiety, worry, hurt or any pain.
    1. Thou shall give me my sense of self-worth and esteem.
    1. Thou shall be grateful for everything I do.
    1. Thou shall not be critical of me, show anger toward me or otherwise disapprove of anything I do.
    1. Thou shall be so caring and loving that I need never take risks or be vulnerable in any way.
    1. Thou shall love me with a whole heart, a whole soul and a whole mind, even if I do not love myself.

Remember, too, that developing and maintaining healthy physical and emotional boundaries takes work. Boundaries are like muscles…they need to be exercised appropriately. Development of those boundaries, if you weren’t fortunate enough to have learned good ones in your family of origin or if yours were eroded, is a process. It takes time and work to find those “muscles” and learn how to use them in ways that promote your personal growth, development and safety

I’d like to thank Anne Katherine, author of “Boundaries: Where You End and I Begin” and Joy Miller, author of “Addictive Relationships: Reclaiming Your Boundaries” for their contributions to this body of work.